I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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