she takes plan B like it's going out of style
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
