She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
