a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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