we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
