she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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