Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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