Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
