My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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