Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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