She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
