I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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