i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
