somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
