he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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