these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
