What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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