Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
