I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
