Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
