thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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