Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
