Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
