i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
