dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
