You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Operation Purity has been aborted
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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