his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
