If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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