so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
