This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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