You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
