I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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