Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
