I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
