I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
