i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
