When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
