My liver just broke up with me...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
