I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
