Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
