every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
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I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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