He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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