Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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