first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
