You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
