Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
