Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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