I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
