Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
