I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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