My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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