Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
