maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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