well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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