ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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