I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
