is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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