I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
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I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
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Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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