We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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