the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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