Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
