we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
