You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
