I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
