Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
